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Monday, April 17, 2017

The Truth About Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence(Guest Post)

The Truth About Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence

By Michelle Peterson of Recovery Pride (

It’s no secret that substance abuse and domestic violence are correlated. Alcoholics and those who use drugs are more likely to commit spousal abuse than those who don’t. An alarming 61 percent of domestic violence offenders abuse substances and they often blame their explosive behavior on being under the influence. Substance abuse does not cause domestic violence, but because of the strong link between the two, they must be treated simultaneously. Here’s a deeper look on domestic violence, substance abuse, and how to combat both.

Domestic violence and power

As defined by the Department of Justice, domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is a common misconception that those who abuse their partners are always heavily intoxicated at the time of battery and they are totally out of control. However, intimate partner violence is a choice, and many times the batterer chooses to assault their partner in an environment that is safe for them, such as at home or out of the public’s eye. Because a batterer’s spurts of violence are so calculated, it is safe to say that those who abuse are very much in control at that moment.

The role of substance abuse

The common denominator among domestic violence cases is the use of drugs and alcohol by one or both participants. It is widely assumed that the one inflicting violence is the one battling substance addiction, however many victims are substance abusers themselves because they turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to cope. When this is the case, the abusive situation becomes even more dangerous. Female abuse victims are 15 times more likely to abuse alcohol and 9 times more likely to abuse drugs than women who have not been subjected to domestic violence. When under the influence, the victim may be unable to escape the attacker or accurately assess the amount of danger they are in. The use of substances may also thwart any attempts to leave the relationship and look for help because they fear they too may be arrested for criminal substance abuse.

Seeking treatment

The participation in substance abuse and domestic violence can be fatal, if not treated immediately. Unfortunately, many abusers do not seek help because they don’t believe they have a problem. Oftentimes after a rant, the abuser blames the substance for their erratic behavior, then promises their victim that they will never hurt them again. As long as drugs and alcohol are present, the abuse will never stop. Because of the disbelief of the abuser and the crippling fear of the victim, many times treatment isn't sought after unless it is brought on by a run-in with law enforcement officers. In those situations they are remanded to drug rehab and anger management classes.

It is important that the substance abusing batterer receives treatment for both forms of abuse, because once drug rehab is complete, they may still have the underlying psychological impulse to harm their partner. Treatment will help the abuser dig deep into their psyche to uncover where this behavior came from, why they thought it was acceptable and how to cope with the urges. Victims of abuse will find refuge in a treatment center because they will feel safe and heard. It is important for survivors of domestic violence to feel believed and validated in order to encourage participation in problem solving and long term planning.

Those battling with domestic violence and substance abuse are undoubtedly in a hard place. It is difficult for both parties to shine a light on their participation in such acts, but treatment is the only way to start making a change for the better.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

"Home Sweet Home" A Song/Video About Domestic Violence In The UK By The Crocked Monsieurs

"This original song Highlighting Domestic Violence - Recorded by the Crocked Monsieurs in support of Refuge - please take time to share this. BUY THE SONG NOW and help raise money for Refuge on iTunes

This song was inspired by conversations between a close friend of the band who was relating her own experiences of Domestic Violence to them. The song has been featured on several Radio Stations and was included on Red Dragon Records stunning compilation CD 2nd Renaissance. This video was voted video of the Month for May 2014 on Talentcast.
Home Sweet Home continues to receive positive reviews over 1 year after release, Home Sweet Home the original domestic violence awareness song in support of Refuge."

30 Signs Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship(Infographic)

This Infographic was made and sent to me by Law Offices of Randy Collins, I think this is a great infographic so I decided to share, if you would like to put it on your blog, website, etc please visit their site at

Courtesy of Law Offices Of Randy Collins

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Singer/Songwriter Laura Martin Writes Song "QuiƩrete/Love Yourself" To Encourage Those Who Have Been Affected By Domestic Violence

Today, I checked my email and to my surprise, I had an email from Laura Martin, who happens to live in Spain. One thing that I love about my blog is that I am able to reach and communicate with people all over the world. It truly is a blessing to me. I truly did not realize the impact that this blog would have on so many people including myself when I first started it. I am really humbled. 

Laura Martin wrote a song called "Quierete (Latin)" which in English means "Love Yourself". Although the song is in Spanish, Laura has provided subtitles in English. I would encourage you to listen and share the video. It is a beautiful song. 

Click below to listen. 

Feel free to visit  Laura's website Laura Martin Music  or her blog Laura Martin Music Blog  to learn more about her.

As always, thanks for reading!

Much love and God Bless,

Nicole Lofton

If you would like to contact me, please email me at or follow me on twitter @nicolecherese 

My Baby Shot Me Down:A Film About Domestic Violence

My Baby Shot Me Down
Hello All! This time I am here to write to you about a film that I recently just learned about entitled My Baby Shot Me Down When the My Baby Shot Me Down twitter account followed me, I instantly wanted to know more about the film. It appears that the film is not out yet, but  it will be out soon. The film is by Daniella Daemy and is being made in the UK.

Of course being the advocate that I am, I just had to share it with you all. I just love sharing anything that has to do with raising awareness of domestic violence. In fact, I get excited because this is a cause that is dear to not only my hear, but I know that is dears to yours as well.

Although I do not know much about the film, I do know that it is about five women that seek revenge and kidnap men who I believe have committed domestic violence. Feel free to check out the IMDB page that has been created for the film here

Feel free to follow the My Baby Shot Me Down twitter account @mbsmd_movie

As always, thanks for reading!

Much love and God Bless,

Nicole Lofton

If you would like to contact me please email me at, you can always follow me on twitter @nicolecherese 

13 Year Old Nya Marquez Makes An Amazing Song "No, No More" In Order To Promote Hope and Healing To Those Affected By Domestic Violence

Nya Marquez

Hello, everyone! Today, I am happy to write to you about this amazing song and video that was made by 13 year old Nya Marquez. I absolutely love music and I love when it brings awareness to an important cause especially domestic violence. While on Twitter about two months ago, I happened to come across the twitter page of Nya Marquez, in which I saw her promoting her song that she made to bring hope and healing to those affected by domestic violence.

I have to say that I was and I still am very touched by Nya's song "No, No More". I think that  it is such a beautiful song and Nya is a beautiful person inside and out. To be 13 years old spreading such an inspiring and important message is very beautiful. I hope that you are as touched and inspired, by the song and the video as I am. Please share and reach out to Nya on twitter @nyaband and show your support for what she is doing to raise awareness for domestic violence. 

Below, is the wonderful video, "No, No More".

Feel free To Visit Nya's Websites No, No More and "Nya Entertainment"

As always, thanks for reading! Much love and God Bless, 
Nicole Lofton 

If you would like to get in contact me, feel free to leave a comment on this post or email me at 

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Miseducation of Domestic Violence By Nicole Lofton

Hello Again! I have yet again something to share with you all today lol.  I finally finished my ebook/pdf "The Miseducation of Domestic Violence:Dispelling The Myths In Order To Promote The Truth

This is just a small PDF and this is something that has been on my heart. There are so many myths about domestic violence and I always try to dispel those myths. I addressed 10 of them that I feel are common or that I hear about the most. 

I pray that this blesses someone, please feel free to share it as well. If you would like to get in contact me, you can email me at 

You can view the eBook by clicking on the cover or you can download it by clicking here The Miseducation Of Domestic Violence